Happiness and Responsibility/Freedom


Photo by Peachy Judilla

Moving back to the big city, although temporarily, was a decision I made in light of my pregnancy and my health. Logically, I know it is still the best thing for me to have chosen, but emotionally, moving back in with my parents, dealing with “city life,” and being away from dearest friends has been a struggle. In addition to constantly carrying around an extra thirty pounds and feeling like an unattractive whale out of water.

I’ve begun to see that I am a different person in these circumstances compared to when I am living on my own, in a life I feel I’ve built and earned. Here, I revert back to being a child: dependent, overly affected by my parents, always looking for permission to do, to be.

In other words, I lose a sense of responsibility over my life. I handed over my power and my freedom to other people and to circumstance. That tendency also often extends to my relationships, in the worst ways possible. “OMG Sabs, how immature can you be, obvs you need to be in charge of your life and be responsible and adult properly. Why don’t you just take responsibility. There’s even an Incubus song about it.” That’s a common thing to hear, but unfortunately it doesn’t click until it does.

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In Defense Of Food


Recently I’ve finished reading Michael Pollan’s In Defense of Food: An Eater’s Manifesto. As someone who has always immensely enjoyed every aspect of food and yet has wanted to navigate towards a healthier diet, I’ve found an encouraging companion in that challenge in Pollan’s book. The way he has described our perspective on food historically up until today, and the corresponding change in the food culture to food industry is enlightening. I don’t want to sweat the calorie counting and just enjoy my more-than-the-sum-of-its-parts experience of food.

Within our lifetime, food has transformed so rapidly from food to foodstuff. You know why your grandma’s recipe is put on a pedestal and mostly deemed the “best ever”? It’s cos she was actually cooking and using real recognisable food. Today we are so focused on nutrients, on breaking down the necessary building blocks found in our food and counting calories. And on the other end of it, producers and farmers have been replaced by factories and scientists, placing our food under the microscope and isolating vitamins and flavo-iso-amino-omega-whatevers and synthesising it so we can inject it into foodstuff and beef up the marketing so they can wipe their conscience clean and say, but hey! Look! It’s healthy because we’ve put so-and-so in it! Beware the new buzzwords healthy, organic, nature fresh, blah blah especially when it’s splashed all over the front of the pretty bright and probably green packaging in the special aisle of your commodity filled supermarket. It used to be that fat was the enemy, or butter, or sugar, or alcohol, but then recently oh butter’s good for you, wine’s good for you, coffee’s good for you, etc. Food is good for you, not the things sold in supermarkets that resemble food. Looking at food merely in the context of nutrition paints an incomplete picture of the complex ways people interact with food.

In the 1930s, sparked by a debate on tooth decay being the result of improper hygiene or diet, Canadian dentist Weston Price began a study of the diets and eating practices of traditional or isolated groups unexposed to modern foods. He notes that “the common denominator of good health, he concluded, was to eat a traditional diet consisting of fresh foods from animals and plants grown on soils that were themselves rich in nutrients.” Nutritious, fertile soil grows healthful produce, which provides us with the necessary nutrition for our health. If you eat poorly grown and processed junk, your health will be junk. You are what you eat. Makes sense, right? Unfortunately today the micro approach to nutrition is applied even to the production of common vegetables and fruits to grow them at an artificially fast rate, stripping them of the mysterious and miraculous effectivity of a natural environment, and then bombarded with harmful artificial pesticides just so they can survive the journey from seedling to supermarket shelf looking as perfect as possible. The rise of agriculture has led to higher food production with lower value, and an oversimplification of what was once a rich, complex, and diverse eating tradition of both plants and animals. Quantity over quality. Our relationship with food is also largely cultural, which makes eating more than just physically enriching, but also difficult to overcome when we’re set in unhealthy eating habits, such as going for “instant” packaged or processed food and overeating (due to poor portion control or not knowing when to stop).

Despite the options in the market, it’s difficult these days to really know what goes into your food, so Pollan suggests getting more intimate with it. Find out, where does it come from? How was it grown? Was it made in a lab or was it cooked, fresh, and enjoyed in a communal food experience? Allow it to nudge you to establish better relationships with who you get your food from. Better yet, grow your own if you can. He suggests three guidelines to better eating: Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants. Which is simple, and makes sense, and only troubling if you are looking for a diet to dictate every calorie you eat, because these guidelines require you to exercise mindfulness well before you even put that fork in your mouth.

Since setting off on the path towards a healthier diet two years ago, I’ve noticed a real beneficial change in my energy levels, in my overall health and wellbeing, and most importantly, to me and to a lot of other people out there, I’ve discovered whole new ways of enjoying food. I still don’t really like salad, but I’ve opened my eyes to a world of delightful dishes that go far beyond steak and mashed potatoes.

On Grit

The word “grit” has been thrown around a little more than usual in my world the past few weeks. Apart from the film True Grit presenting itself in the stream of consciousness of mainstream society, “grit” became a buzzword because of that TED talk by Angela Duckworth entitled “The Key To Success? Grit.” in which she describes this attribute some people have which is linked to success in the long term. This term has been adopted and misconstrued into mere perseverance by well meaning individuals and educators, and, according to Ms Duckworth, neglecting the integral other half of grit: passion.

I took a grit quiz my dad pointed out to me in the newspaper the last time I visited home. On a scale of 1 to 5, do I persevere in the face of obstacles? Am I easily discouraged by criticism? Etc. It wasn’t surprising to me that I am pretty mediocre when it comes to grit. I find it difficult to complete projects and generally often feel like a failure (It’s something I’m working on).

But I realized, as I was plodding through the tail end of a book that’s taken me almost a year to finish, I do have grit. I finished a Harry Potter book in five hours, curled up in bed with a night light. I’ve spent my life keeping my values and priorities to myself intact, much to the dismay and disappointment of the people who expect things of me. If we’re talking about things I care about, things I have passion for, I can see them through. And if success can mean having an afternoon to myself, reading a book sitting in a garden and having the space to reflect on that, I’ve made it.

On another note, since it’s taken me such a sad amount of time to finish such a concise, well-researched, and well-written book, I’ve challenged myself to write book reports on all the books I read. One, to really imprint things in my memory, two, to make clearer to myself what I’ve learned from the book, and three, just to exercise writing.

Our Turn

The issue has been rehashed so many times I almost feel lazy for even bringing it up. Every generation complains about the ultra-conservative establishmentarianist elders and the appallingly entitled young ‘uns who don’t have their priorities in order, leaving all of us collectively shaking our damn heads at the state the world is in.

Huck Magazine described the landscape today’s youth generation lives in:

Our generation has been dealt a dirty hand, and it’s not just our wallets that are hurting. We’ve been spewed out of a system that tried to tell us success was a luxury that could be bought. Between sky-high debt, unaffordable rent and jobs that suck the meaning out of life, finding true fulfilment can feel like a dream when you’re too busy trying to get by. And here’s the best bit, fresh off the press: we’re self-entitled, lazy-ass ‘millennials’.

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A dear friend of mine asked me if I was familiar with the poem. I think it was late afternoon, golden light streaming in through the windows. Dusty heat. Maybe we were in the car. Maybe we were hanging out after school. She made me listen to a recording of the author reading his work. His voice sounded old, raspy, warm. Like an expansive library with leather chairs, brick, and fireplaces. He spoke slowly and deliberately, undressing the words with care for the weight of their meaning. The poem was Jack Gilbert’s “Forgotten Dialect of the Heart.” Read More